Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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