So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
