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the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
