So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
