my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
