I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
