that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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