a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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