now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
