Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
