if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
