I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
