I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
