he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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