Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
