When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
