A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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