dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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