they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
