brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
