Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
