I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
