he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
