I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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