I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
