the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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