Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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