Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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