she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
