I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
