Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
