Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
