I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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