Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
