i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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