I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
