Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
