Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
