Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
