I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
