I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
