I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
