Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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