I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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