im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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