ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
