guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
