And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
