I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
