it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
