the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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