Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
