i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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