took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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