Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
