And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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