I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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