Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
