There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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