Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
