just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up under a house in Key West
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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