The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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