When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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