No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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