I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
