We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
