Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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