Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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  (757): I murdered the dance floor call the cops http://tfl.nu/jwsp
  Replies (14) Good night (2220) Bad night (575)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  whatever it's not my family

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  (847): this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment. (1-847): whatever it's not my family http://tfl.nu/qbfh
  Replies (1) Good night (2236) Bad night (568)
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  (323): View more from California

  Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.

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  (323): Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering. http://tfl.nu/bd5j
  Replies (31) Good night (766) Bad night (3638)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.

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  (541): To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever. http://tfl.nu/9nwk
  Replies (7) Good night (888) Bad night (3301)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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  (817): i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket http://tfl.nu/0h42
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (2144)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30

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  (763): chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30 http://tfl.nu/6e6v
  Replies (4) Good night (2083) Bad night (931)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case

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  (917): My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case http://tfl.nu/1awx
  Replies (3) Good night (1767) Bad night (605)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?

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  (612): So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one? http://tfl.nu/17zg
  Replies (4) Good night (1211) Bad night (577)
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  (631): View more from New York

  My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.

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  (631): My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did. http://tfl.nu/km7t
  Replies (3) Good night (1322) Bad night (956)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial

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  (406): She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial http://tfl.nu/8xau
  Replies (10) Good night (3400) Bad night (486)
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  (+97): View more from

  Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.

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  (+97): Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer. http://tfl.nu/wfti
  Replies (8) Good night (1514) Bad night (371)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?

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  (240): the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!? http://tfl.nu/muuy
  Replies (14) Good night (495) Bad night (1108)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.

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  (443): I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer. http://tfl.nu/9juw
  Replies (3) Good night (786) Bad night (297)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits

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  (778): can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits http://tfl.nu/njr0
  Replies (4) Good night (295) Bad night (887)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.

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  (817): I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember. http://tfl.nu/qd7b
  Replies (0) Good night (626) Bad night (303)

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