I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
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She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.