The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my shit smells like andre
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
