nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
