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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  morning after pill = breakfast in bed

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.

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• (408): View more from California

  MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea

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• (518): View more from New York

  Wow. Last night.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.

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