I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great