The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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