Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.