If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
