And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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