he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
