I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
