I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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