I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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