I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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