I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
