Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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