I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
