so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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